Workout of the Day: Texas Arachnophobia Punishment

Obviously, Alpine Climbing is much more than just a physically demanding endeavor. There is a VERY serious psychological, even emotional component to it. Training for the physical hardships is easy, if time consuming. Training for the other, more intangible components can be much more difficult to do, especially in a nice comfortable gym or whatever. You really need to learn how to suffer. I think this is why many climbers from form Eastern Block countries have done so well at Alpinism; they are master sufferers. Some might say their everyday life (at least until the late 80′s) was, to some extent dealing with a low level of suffering. How do we in the comfort crazed Western World, then, come to find solace in pain and hardship like our Eastern comrades do?

While I never seem to bring myself to consciously seek out pain and suffering, I inevitably find some in my training, often in the most unexpected places. When it happens, I learn to relish it.

Here I am in Texas for a few days in June. That alone is painful! I have decided to do some single speed biking on the local trails while I am here to better pass the time in this hellhole. This place is hot. REAL HOT. I am a masochist, but I just can’t do it when it is in the high 90’s with high humidity. So, I plan on hitting the trail early in the morning when the temps are at a much more reasonable mid 80’s. I was warned, “The mornings can be bayad ‘cuz of the cowob weyebs.” (In Texas speak) Cob webs? Big deal. I’d rather deal with those than die of heat exhaustion.

7:30 am this morning. I start riding. First one on the trail. They weren’t fucking kidding about the cob webs. They were all over the place and home to numerous spiders. Big ones! Tons of spiders! As in hundreds. Within minutes I was covered in untold amounts of web material and at least a dozen creepy, crawly spiders. Did I mention it was hot out? Yeah, only 85º with high humidity. That way, you sweat and the webs are easier to wipe off of your face when it is nice and slick. Most of the webs seemed to be about head height. Needless to say, I rode with my mouth closed.

I was a bit apprehensive at first: constantly swatting at the webs and little beasts within them as I would ride through. This became very distracting and caused me to take the worst digger of the year. I was trying to pick a spider off me that was hanging off my eyebrows when BAM. I hit a small stump and went straight down over the handle bars to meet the dirt head on. I slammed my chest into my right hand and both are hurting, especially my chest. This was only five minutes into the ride. I contemplated giving up and going back, but looked upon this as an excellent opportunity for some quality suffering.

I finished the loop in an hour and half and reckoned that I might as well do another lap now that the webs were clear. Besides, it was not yet 90º so I might as well.

Tomorrow, I’ll try and listen to country music instead.